Some people are always nice. No matter what, they’ll turn the other cheek and go love and light, love and light, Namaste! I call bullshit. You can sugar-coat your life, your actions, people’s behavior all the way to eternity, but it’s like putting sprinkles on shit. It might look pretty, but it still stinks.
I’m going to be rude and break the bubble that came out of the unicorn’s ass; Turning the other cheek only works for people who operate out of guilt. A lot of people do, but what about the ones who’ll gladly take another jab at your rosy cheek. Hiding behind a mask of cheery positivity doesn’t always protect you.
THE NICE GIRL SYNDROME
You’re scared of being judged, so you’ll agree with the popular opinion without one critical thought. You’re scared of being hurt, so you let yourself be disrespected, You’re afraid of being abandoned, so you internalize your anger when a fuck you would be more appropriate. You’re afraid of not making it on your own, so you build your entire life around people who treat you like you don’t matter. Tolerating subtle jabs or full-on aggression, understanding bad mood to no end, listening to endless complaining, tolerating victimhood. Being scared of shaming, having feelings of guilt, or not being good enough, have made you unwilling to fend for yourself. Always agreeable works as a protective mask, a decoy, a survival mechanism.
Sometimes someone behaving like a dick is just that, and it’s ok to call them out. If you’re not comfortable doing it to their face, don’t. You’re not the mom of everyone. It’s not your job to make people act nice. The point is for you to acknowledge that sometimes it’s not you, it’s them. It’s ok to be pissed off when your feelings are hurt. Sometimes it’s not all love and light, no matter how much you want everyone to get along. Deal with it, feel it.
Positivity is poison when it leads to an absence of accountability. For you, as well as others. Be honest with yourself. Is there a payback, a benefit in being weak? Are you on your part using victimhood as a refuge? Is it an excuse for you not having to take responsibility for your life?
If you’re not happy with how people treat you, you need to look at how you treat yourself. Do you love yourself? If the answer isn’t a clear yes, nice won’t cure that. There’s nothing anyone can do to make you feel good for more than a short moment. If you don’t love yourself you’re going to ignore Prince Charming while giving all your attention to Slimy Frog hoping your kisses will transform his sad ass into a prince.
WHEN YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH
Change your outlook – or work on yourself until you acquire enough guts to stand up for yourself to say the magic words; No, enough, get the fuck out of my life. Alternatively, you may use more polite wording, whatever works for you – As long as you’re not melting back into nothingness and quiet resentment, desperate for outer validation.
Now that you’ve decided to take control over your life, remind yourself to
- Stop the negative self-talk.
- Quit being wishy-washy.
- Learn to love yourself, imperfections and all.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
- Build your skills.
- Stop trying to change people.
- Establish boundaries.
Work on your future one step at the time. Do what you love or learn to love what you do. Stop wasting time on negative people. Find the inspiring ones. Take action! Your confidence and self-respect will grow. You’ll find your purpose and you’ll have fun. How’s that instead of a forced fucking Namaste?